Mike Burr - log

[Sherry] It's that your annoyance at me hurts.

So, I mean, I want to spend the rest of my life with you and at least get along, as a valued friend. I know that I fuck up in that goal on a regular basis. Sorry. I promise that I want what's best for both of us. The ultimate "fuck the haters, we do exactly what we want and have fun with it".

I guess there's no real threat that you'd ever leave me. Nothing's impossible, but life would at least be a real "hassle" without you and I hope you feel the same way about me. That's not to mention that I'd feel like someone cut the tether to my space suit.

Absolute sinking terror of a life completely alone. Not alone from the outsider's perspective, but alone in the way that you can't really communicate to others. You don't have a strong emotional bond with anyone. There is and will never be a person to confide in and be honest with without the fear of being judged. That'd be a new one.

But that's selfish. What about you? How would your life be? I doubt it'd be terrible. I bet it'd be way different, though. And would you fall in love with someone? Would you care?

Seems like a lot of work to me.

So when we "argue" (or as I think of it "reciprocal pointless emotional freestyling") and you show your "contempt" or "disapproval" or "hurtfulness" for some thing I did or ...am (?) it hurts. I did the n-millionth irredeemable, unforgivable "sin" of my life. And now the jury has convicted. And I just stand there in shackles, scared.

My reaction from the outside looks nothing like that of course. I just say some version of "now wait just a goddamn minute!!...!" and/or "you are completely misunderstanding meee!!!!!!"

Ok, let me translate from Angrymikese, what I am saying here is -- this hurts. and I think that there are plenty of mitigating circumstances. I'm sorry. I can't bear to be guilty of this. If I could undo this I would. I have learned my lesson and will not do it again. Please reconsider, Judge! Plleeaase!! It's just a lot of emotion jumbling up what I really want to "say", by which I mean "transmit accurately into you mind".

I do lots and lots wrong. I'm sorry. I will work on doing better. Please, also have an open mind and consider your own methods or behavior. I bet we can both improve.

- 1 toast