Mike Burr - log

[Charlemagne] Manipulative

In addition to being a pretty good person to me on occasion, you have been a manipulative, self-centered, narcissistic man-child toward me. This behavior, while it does not affect you, has deeply hurt me. You will never offer an explanation for any of this and continue to gaslight me until you or I kick off.

So it goes.

When I am 12 years old and looking at you with adoring, wondering eyes, it's because I am a 12 year, not because you are awesome. I would say it is a net-bad thing to need that for your own sense of worth. That's cowardly, pathetic behavior. It's not the behavior of a badass cowboy. You've had any kind of disagreement with you censored ever since you've had that ability. That's not really your "fault" in my way of thinking. We are all imperfect and a product of our environment. Things are at the same time 1) a complete mystery 2) probably in a deeply fundamental way fated to be a certain way but also with an unknowable fate.

You've had a real good time feeling superior to me. How about maybe you start at this moment just being humble and honest with yourself for once and not require constant worship. If that ever happened, I would think it was one of the most admirable things I've ever seen happen. FYI.

I can also never know if you understand what you're doing or if this is just instinctive animalistic behavior. The same thing that would allow some Romans to drown their kid in a sack because they were bad luck.

It is my fault for having impossible expectations and being a slave to all these "feelings", instead of being a selfish prick. Which, maybe is the point. Are you my great, wise yogida master who had this clever plan all along?


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