Mike Burr - log

[wip][mind] Impulsivity

A theory about impulsivity.

The particles of raw inspiration are, um, real. At least in the sense that they are an excellent metaphor.

If you believe in quarks, actual quarks, then this should not be too much of a stretch for you. You think a quark is a thing? As described? Do you picture a little ball? Or is it on the continuum of impossibly abstract between "rock hits your head" and "what is the number 4?" Somewhere beneath the meat of existence is a border between the impossibly abstract and the (to us) obvious and concrete. Doesn't there have to be?

Anyway, with this analogy you can widen your surface area greatly, maybe, with some practice. The mere fact that you can control your cross-section should be considered a pretty good result.

When an inspiration particle connects it causes an emotion before the idea takes shape. You need both very high resolution and frame-rate to capture this. In any case, thoughts and "emotions" are tightly correlated sometimes. Even if you had the emotion after the thought your memory might come back around in the reverse order. Maybe order doesn't even matter. There's an "association" there.

And as it goes around in your mind, at whatever frequency, it takes on a different character with each pass. And the emotions might come first, you know, just to fuck with ya.

Drifting from system to system they are "raw inspiration particles". When they get captured by your singularity, they become your "thoughts", where they continue to orbit, like it or not. Space junk. Sometimes maybe you eject the most dickish ones off in the direction of a nearby consciousness singularity you don't "like".

If something is going to solve the mystery off it all, it's going to be the most grotesquely mystical bullshit you've ever heard but at the same time "showable" to other "people", in some sense without their feeble bullshit detectors going off at the wrong time. So, speaking of inspiration surface area, remember we're looking for a huge brainfuck here. Don't show up with a short antennae.

And so that emotion (glands. squirt-squirt.) colors both the facts of what happened (assuming it's that kind of thought) and the conclusion you think you draw from this. Your "gut feel".

That's a very very roundabout way of saying: When inspiration strikes, you may not be ready for all kinds of reasons.

If one disruptive thought loop that you see frequently comes along and has a gloomy shitfuck kind of taint to it... you start to feel that way... and then three frames later, seemingly instantly, comes the thought. So first you get the burning in the shoulders and then suddenly crying on the floor at Sears when you were 13 pops up.

If your orbits contain a good portion of negative emotions with their paired thoughts, and the emotion colors the concept (or word, idea, activity, clothing, skin color...) then you're going to be wary of all thoughts and ideas. You might just fold up your antanae.

If you have a thought that's paired with negative emotions, you will likely,

  1. Have it more frequently.
  2. Cause the emotions to just get a bit stronger next time, out of annoyance if nothing else.
  3. Cause it to become more frequent yet, again out of annoyance.

MIND: A storm of thoughts

Dude, are you kidding me? The inspiration particles are inter-solar bodies. I know, 9 points for allusion 0 points for literal or accurate.

Also, emotions can be encoded in the "memory". Maybe some... ruminatase mental protein has now encoded the emotion this one gives off in the facts of the case (as mutated by your 'processes').

#So a thought that

They're more adjacent when they're recent, so they'll keep popping up.


consciousness is the set of things that are in the tightest thought loop. The important thing is that all thinking is loopular, some thoughts have big (orbits?!) loops like Haley's comet, and they just pass by your consciousness which is a singularity in the middle. Grandma makes a pass every 3 years. Shitting your pants in fourth grade makes a pass twice a year, and that new widget you thought up currently comes by every 10 seconds.

And what if an orbit ...oops "loop" has a trajectory that's irregular. Doesn't grandma's orbit tighten from time to time? What causes this? Maybe grandma's point encountered jerking off at the beach just over your consciousness' event horizon. Ergo, you were not "aware" of it.

At the same time we can have:

  • Your mind calculated the new orbit of grandma after (?) its encounter with jerking off.
  • This did not make it into your consciousness log because we had to get back to all those spinning plates.

- 1 toast