Sometimes I feel a twinge of "hate" for someone I see or become aware of. "Hate" is a strong word, and it's also a flimsy useless word.

I don't know how to describe it but I suspect it's what us humans have labeled "hate". I feel a roiling "grr" that defies explanation. It's in the neighborhood of, "Ya know, it's people like that... piece of my mind..." -- pretty dumb shit, really.

Note please at this point I'm talking about something that comes along pretty rarely. I'm not ranting about it because it consumes my life. (But I think I know people for whom it does.)

Almost every time I congratulate myself for stoping and thinking instead of enjoying that sweet descent into righteousness. I end with a "Boy that's weird. Not good. 'Stop and think' indeed."

But if one is encouraged as a toddler to really, really lean into that feeling and nothing in your environment ever tells you, "hey, maybe not so good, eh?" -- it gets burnt in as a fundamental part of your personality that you will never see or become aware of.

Which is scary.